Friday, March 26, 2010

I used to think that I was too into WoW...

I guess there's always somebody out there who can top you as far as Video Game drama goes... I found this little question on a WoW news site, apparently this "Troubled Tank" is asking for relationship advice from a... WoW news column?
I'll leave you all to form your own opinions, but I for one think this is pretty sad.

"Dearest Editors, This warrior finds himself in the prickliest of predicaments. On the server Earth, my main is a pretty normal dude; what is relevant is that he is in a relationship. My alt in Azeroth is getting him into trouble, however.

Viewed as objectively as possible, my main relationship is a good one. However, it leaves me feeling unsatisfied. The problems of the relationship, which do not bear additional mentioning, are primarily external to the relationship. That is, if whoever runs the Earth server would nerf various things, it would be rather good. However, context and circumstance delegate it to a troublesome bore.

Enter my alt's crush on a guildie. She is beautiful, charming, funny, intelligent and never bugs, scolds or annoys me. O would that she would reside in my zone, or one neighbouring mine! Yet alas, she resides on a foreign coast. She who is of relationship ilevel 277 is beyond my reach. Nonetheless, I daresay she adores me. Though as a warrior my Intellect is low, even I can tell she is my perfect match.

What's worse, my guildie crush is unaware that I am seeing someone. Our friendship started innocently enough, but soon it was clear that we fit like a tank and a healer. My Earth server girlfriend and I are like two DPS, laboring in a 30-minute queue. My alt's heart's desire completes my set bonus.

I have not the Eagle Eyes to know what the Light would have me do. On the one hand, my Earth relationship is not a total train wreck and may be worth salvaging; furthermore, it would take many moons (even astride my epic mount) to even reach the place where my Azerothian flower sets her hearthstone. All the same, my Earth counterpart does not make me feel like a credit to the raid, whereas my Azerotherian dearest, in her sublime grace, drains my rage bar even when it is at its fullest.

I am between a kobold and a hard place. I don't want to give up on IRL girl because it is only external circumstances which stand between us, but I would gladly roll a 1 on every Need roll until the end of time to be with my Azerothian partner. Furthering the difficulty is the fact that I know my Azerothian lady is ignorant of my Earth relationship, and I fear -- a fear so strong it may be broken by neither Berserker Rage nor trinket -- that she will, contra my pure intentions, feel misled if I inform her that I am already soulbound. What's worse, enmity between us might cause drama amongst the guild. Light forbid it! I know not what course to take."


  1. Messed up kid is messed up. Clearly he doesn't understand the very basics of how relationships work. The unnecessary elegant, frilly writing discredits him even more. I can't tell if he's role-playing or if he's just mentally handicapped. Eagle Eyes? Light? Give me a frickin' break.
    Obviously he's looking in the wrong places for guidance - needless to say, he doesn't need help from other reality-detached geeklords. He needs serious physiological help. I almost feel bad for his REAL girlfriend.