Monday, May 17, 2010

Hi, Billy Mays Here

Hi, Billy Mays here!


Okay...it's not actually Billy Mays here at all. It's Keegan (even more exciting!) making another post from Nathanael's account! So, before I move on to more important matters, I would like to discuss why I am here again so soon:

I sat most comfily on my throne, patiently awaiting the time when I would leap into action on the interwebs. It was then that a knave from the Kingdom of Annoying disturbed me. He requested that I attend some sort of peasant's festival that he called "Youth Group". I of course DECLINED. But it was then that the bribery ensued. With the promise of a shiny quarter and a blog post on the platter, I could no longer refuse. Not patient enough to wait for my royal carriage, I ran as fast as I could to meet the aforementioned knave. When we arrived at the festival, I was happy to see the caravan of peasants and royalty alike, waiting to take me to their villages for multiple feasts and fun times...all I have to say is go DJ go...(and I never did get that quarter!)

So that out of the way, I would like to discuss marketing techniques and sales personell with you. You may be saying to yourself, why on earth talk about such an annoyance? Well, I really have no idea. But just sit down, shut up, and gather 'round the fire anyway.

Exhibit A: TELEMARKETERS

- Admit it, you just got off the phone with one now. They call you multiple times a day, speak in foreign accents that you so desperately try to understand, and don't take "NO" for an answer. These people are most likely Muslim terrorists sitting on the Canadian border trying to steal your credit card information so they can commit identity theft and cross to our land. Don't listen to their demands.

Exhibit B: DOOR TO DOOR SALESMEN

- Indeed a rarity in our fine society today, but not unheard of! These people are almost as annoying as Jehovah's Witnesses and Exhibit A, but can generally be easier to get rid of. Just beware of the ones wearing lengthy trench coats that are trying to get you to "buy a watch".

Exhibit C: INFOMERCIALS

- Okay so what's better than Billy Mays shouting about Oxiclean, or Vince Offer about Shamwow? Okay, a lot of things, but these guys really get your attention with their incredible sales pitches. But wait, that's not all! Actually it is...but call in the next ten minutes and get your special two for one deal!

All right, seriously. B-bye now,
Keegan

1-800-FAKE-NUM. We take Visa and Mastercard.

P.S. I got my AK-47 in the mail. I am impressed at the performance of the gun, but I must say that the complimentary beverage tasted rather of burning. Maybe lay off the cinnamon a bit.

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