Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Lawyers!


  • If you drop a snake and an attorney off the Empire State Building, which one hits first?

Who cares?

  • A lawyer finds out he has an inoperable brain tumor.

It's so large, they have to do a brain transplant.

His doctor gives him a choice of available brains. There's a jar of rocket scientist brains for $10 an ounce, a jar of regular scientist brains for $15 an ounce, and a jar of lawyer brains for the sum of $800 an ounce.

The outraged lawyer says, "This is a ripoff! How come the lawyer brains are so damned expensive?"

The doctor replies, "Do you know how many lawyers it takes to get an ounce of brains?"


  • A surgeon, an architect an a lawyer are having a heated barroom discussion concerning which of their professions is actually the oldest profession.

The surgeon says: "Surgery IS the oldest profession. God took a rib from Adam to create Eve and you can't go back further than that."

The architect says: "Hold on! In fact, God was the first architect when he created the world out of chaos in 7 days, and you can't go back any further than THAT!"

The lawyer puffs his cigar and says: "Gentlemen, Gentlemen...who do you think created the CHAOS??!!"


  • "It was so cold last week that I saw several lawyers with their hands in their own pockets."
  • A doctor and a lawyer in two cars collided on a country road. The lawyer, seeing that the doctor was a little shaken up, helped him from the car and offered him a drink from his hip flask.The doctor accepted and handed the flask back to the lawyer, who closed it and put it away.

    "Aren't you going to have a drink yourself?" asked the doctor.

    "Sure; after the police leave," replied the lawyer.

  • Two law partners leave their office and go to lunch. In the middle of lunch the junior partner slaps his forehead.

    "Darn," he says. "I forgot to lock the office safe before we left."

    His partner replies " What are you worried about? We're both here."


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