Thursday, September 9, 2010

The Man Rules

The Man Rules!

Rule 1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

Rule 2: It is ok for a man to cry under the following circumstances:

a. When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
b. Family members Death
c. After wrecking your boss' car.
d. Xbox gets the red ring of death

Rule 3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.

Rule 4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

Rule 5: When talking to another man on the Phone the call should never last more then 5 minutes.

Rule 6: Moaning about the brand of free pop in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. However, you may complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

Rule 7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional.

Rule 8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

Rule 9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

Rule 10: It is permissible to drink a fruity drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's free.

Rule 11: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.

Rule 12: Women are not toys, and deserve respect, but that doesn't mean they can't make you a sandwich.

Rule 13: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever.

Rule 14: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.

Rule 15: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to eat as much as the other sports watchers.

Rule 16: Never hesitate to reach for the last pop or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.

Rule 17: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights:

a. Yeah, Baby, Push it!
b. C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
c. Another set and we can hit the showers!

Rule 18: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.

Rule 19: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.

Rule 20: Thou shall not buy a car or motorcycle in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.

Rule 21: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of story.

Rule 22: There is no reason for guys to watch Men's Figure Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever

Nolan Out!

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