Wednesday, October 27, 2010

POLLitics

Hello friends and neighbors! Welcome once again to yet another exciting week with Mike at the polls! I'm your host, Mike Daoust, and I am a complete Idiot.

Last week we looked at the political side of Canada and the important opinions of our readers outlook on the future. But before we look at the results of this poll, let me relate to you all a ABSOLUTELY TRUE story about last weeks poll...

I was sitting in my apartment one day, pretending to work on my religion essay whilst chatting to people on the interwebs, when all of a sudden the weirdest thing happened... A tear in time and space exploded around me! And then a much older version of myself stumbled forth onto the apartment's ugly red carpet! This was the fourth strangest thing that's happened to me all week!
He was out cold, and I tried to revive him with smelling salts, but then I realized that he's me, and he cant smell. So I just slapped him really hard, and that seemed to do the trick.
Unfortunately, it looked like my future self's experiments in time travel were a bit of a failure, because he was dissolving into the carpet. But! on the bright side: His wicked-sick time travel suit was still intact!
"You must use my work to explore the future..." Said he, in a dissolvy type voice (You would have needed to have been there.) 
"Also! Beware the rowbawwt Aillleanzz" He managed to say, before his face became the carpet. (It looks much uglier now, thanks to him!)
Personally, I don't know what a "rowbawwt Aillleanzzz" is, and besides, I wasn't really paying any attention because I was busy taking his suit for myself.

So now armed as a time traveler, I transported myself 25 years into the Future, and discovered all kinds of things! Some of them so dark, that I hesitate to post them here...
  • Nintendo has launched their new console, which apparently is even easier to use than the Wii! They gave up making games that some people might find too hard to play... And so now all Nintendo games just play themselves! IT DOSENT EVEN NEED A CONTROLLER!
  • Justin Bieber is now a middle aged homeless drunk in San Francisco, who wanders from trash can to trash can looking for old fries and vodka.
  • The Blog conquered Quebec without a fight. All we had to do was threaten to punch their puppies, and they surrendered. We are now working on building a force of 2 tanks and 3 dozen men, which we figure will amount to 2-3 times the forces of the Canadian Military.
  • South Korea has been renamed Blizzland
  • Scientists have begun down the path of making females obsolete. Cloning and Robots that make Sandwiches for us, will soon have girls replaced completely.
  • I stopped an invasion of Space Dwarfs. Twice.

 Soon however, the suit began to make a ton of beeping noises, so I had to go back to the present... But It was a nice diversion for a bit! 

Now then, how about we get back to that poll? 

America will become Lower Saskatchewan - 4 Votes (17%)
Jesse Fontaine will lead us to a new Scientific Era - 5 Votes (21%)
Quebec will be conquered by the Blog - 4 Votes (17%)
Jedi Knight will become the State Religion - 0 Votes (0%)
Nolan will still be a loser - 7 Votes (29%)
Communist Takeover - 4 Votes (17%)

  • Jedi Knight remains unpopular, sadly.
  • Nolan's Parents will probably be dealing with him at home for a long time yet.
  • Quebec people are mostly Pussies, and we would probably only need to send Ben.
  • If I wrote this poll in the 70s, it may have been taken seriously. And that's kinda sad.

Well, Until next time folks!

4 comments:

  1. A world without women?? That is a scary thought. And how many times do I have to say: women can do more than make sandwiches! We make soups, we make full meals, we clean.

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  2. That why we have MALE chefs :D

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  3. If Apple ends up making the Female replacements, we'll just have Apps for all those things.

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  4. "If Apple ends up making the Female replacements, we'll just have Apps for all those things."

    I don't know how to react to this....

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